portrait

a cat portrait for your tuesday morning. her name is patch, and she enjoys hanging out where the sun shines the brightest.

self

talk about old school. picture of myself on hollywood & highland when we first arrived in los angeles back in 2009.

right now

photo by elizabeth weinberg

i always get this wave of inspiration really late at night. at 2:30am, i find myself floating into a cloud of dream-like thoughts. i'm not sure what happened, but suddenly everything around me makes perfect sense. all the questions i've had zero answers for - for months are finally right in front of me, the answers are in bold letters. it's the middle of the night, and i've gotten myself sucked into a new (to me) photographer's portfolio, and i simply lose myself for hours. this happens far too often. i'm listening to babel, i wonder what it feels like to be married to carey mulligan? finally, i'm writing my thoughts down, paper scattered all over our bed. finally, my ideas are on paper, and i'm not just talking about them. it's as though i haven't held a pen in years? a cup of coffee at 11pm- i'm awake while everyone is sleeping.

satisfaction

                                                                                                                                          
i am never truly satisfied with my work, not sure i've ever expressed that before. though i enjoy what i do and what i put out there for you all to see, i often feel unsatisfied with my body of work. satisfaction is what i work towards almost daily. i continue creating, perfecting, and growing into the photographer i someday hope to be. i want to feel a sense of fulfillment by the work i share. personal goals are extremely important to me. i teach myself new tricks all the time. i also read and study what i love. i breath photography, and i continue to evolve because of it, but i'm not quite sure i'll ever feel satisfied, maybe i'm too much of a perfectionist?

here's one from the bahamas

dog days

i love keeping busy, but sometimes the post work quickly piles on. with the two-week vacation i took earlier this month, i just feel like my desktop is overflowing with images that need to be edited. how do you stay on top of your work, and how do you keep from stressing out? i'm embarrassed to admit that sometimes i just snack for hours until i'm finally all caught up ...and two pounds heavier, yikes! well, thankfully i have a few days off to get everything together. enjoy your weekend, lovelies!

i've been away

wow! i really didn't plan on taking such a long break from my blog, but things got so crazy over here that it was best to just step away from all of it for a while. and then andre and i flew to florida for a few days then hopped on a cruise ship to the bahamas for 5 nights, and then flew back to LA last night then woke up super early for more work! there is so much going on right now, and i can't wait to update everything!

what have you been up to?

cut it or leave it?

my hair is seriously getting out of control, and i just don't know what to do with it. i love the length, i just never know what to do with it. i've been going back and forth trying to figure out if i should cut it or just leave it. i am seriously thinking of getting straight bangs (to go with my chubby cheeks), and maybe just layering it out, but i really don't know? i'll probably be spending the morning on pinterest trying to find the perfect hairdo. help!

we still date

this weekend was so busy with work, but we managed to sneak in a little afternoon date on friday. i have to admit, it was really nice putting everything aside to enjoy an afternoon together in the sunshine. we should probably do that more often.  how was your weekend? send me links to your weekend posts!

i'll share photographs from this perfect afternoon tomorrow!

weekend!

the weekend is here, and the weather is spectacular! i'm spending the better part of it on an outdoor patio soaking up the sunshine and catching up on hours of photography work. did i mention i'll also be eating lots of ice cream? enjoy this first weekend of summer, folks!

outtake

very much in love with this "accidental" photograph andre took of me over the weekend. the light reflecting over us feels completely magical. this not-so-perfect photograph makes the entire culling process that much more exciting! hmm, what else will i find?

monday-monday

it's monday, folks! how did you spend your weekend? we kept busy on Saturday with an engagement shoot followed by a free music festival in Pasadena. there's always free activities happening all over the city, wish i could do it all!

photo: kimberly genevieve

My Mind, My Brain, My Thoughts

I didn't particularly enjoy the sad direction this blog was taking, so I stepped away for a minute. I tried spending less time in front of the computer because I didn't want to spend my days looking at pictures of Jennifer and crying over how much I miss her. Best friends are so hard to find, and I've lost mine forever. For months I've been wanting to go back in time to tell her she wasn't alone, but I can't change what happened, and I can't make her come back, and I certainly could not have taken away the pain she was feeling. I'm starting to realize that.  It's been more than two months already, and with every passing day, I can still hear the sound of her unique laugh, and I can still see her bright smile and her pearly white teeth.

For weeks following Jenn's suicide, I found this space to be the only place where I could pour my feelings without feeling judged or ashamed of how I've felt, but it quickly began to feel like a space for tears and sorrow which isn't what I want for Paddle To Shore. So there, I stopped blogging so I could try and grieve in my own-personal way; this is something I've never had to do before. 

I'm pleased to write that I am finally starting to feel A LOT more like myself. I'm able to look back at all the wonderful memories and photographs I have with Jennifer and smile. I'm in high spirits more frequently, and I'm even laughing pretty hard these days which is a wonderful feeling. I will forever miss my Jennifer and that bond we so closely shared together, but I no longer want to feel angry or hurt. I want to think of her and smile, and I just want to remember all that was good between Jennifer and I. Kim. xo

life is a gun. jay malinowski+coeur de pirate

Wolves

i'm currently "handling" my emotions best I can. i often go days without a single tear, then suddenly I hear a song that reminds me so much of her, and i just completely lose it, and when i lose it, i can't stop.  i went to see a friend play at hotel cafe the other night, but my emotions got the best of me, and i just cried and cried and cried and cried some more. i'm sure the people sitting across from me thought I was crazy, but i just couldn't stop. my life feels incomplete without her, and i am often reminded by the lyrics of many songs. i frequently ask myself if i will ever feel the way i did the day before she killed herself. it'll get better, it has to.
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i've been keeping myself very busy, photographing continuously. just this week we photographed a wedding at the heritage square museum, candace nelson for sprinkles cupcakes, and maya brenner at her office and her home.  it's definitely been keeping my mind occupied which i'm so thankful for, and I am beyond grateful to be doing what I love.  i just think this whole grieving "thing" is going to take some time.  xo

Smiling Over Dinner

i recently found this picture of Jenn from last summer.  she was so beautiful; it's so hard to believe her sadness.

My Friend Cheryl

an evening in ottawa with our lovely friend, Cheryl.  what can I say about cheryl, she is such a unique and creative person. a few years ago, cheryl drew an incredible portrait of me (i may have to share that drawing on my blog soon). we enjoyed a delicious lunch at the village cafe in westboro; i used to love spending time in westboro village before moving to los angeles, so it was nice to lunch here during our visit back home.  it definitely brought back many memories.  i'm so glad we were able to spend as much as we did with cheryl; she is such a dear friend to us.

Cold+Gloomy

so many mixed emotions regarding our trip back to ottawa. it was cold and gloomy, and in all honesty, depressing. it was nice seeing our friends and family, but flying home and not being able to see or speak to Jennifer was the worst feeling. i'm looking forward to the days where all I can think of are the happiest moments we've shared with her.

Now

i've been on an emotional roller coaster for two weeks, now; there's no way i could have ever prepared myself for something so tragic. all I can do at the moment is try and focus on all the good moments shared with my best friend. i plan on resuming to regular blog posts in the next few days. it will definitely help me get back into the swing of things. thank you again for all the comments and prayers. xo

Ottawa

i just want to thank everyone for all the kind thoughts and prayers since my last post. andre and i are flying to Ottawa this morning to be with close friends and family during this very difficult time.  this is the saddest i have ever felt. it's been a week since Jenn committed suicide, and I've spent nearly 5 days in bed. i just hope in time, i can start to heal and remember all the great moments jenn and i shared together, but at this very moment, 
i simply cannot help but miss my best friend. xo

POP!

if you follow me on instagram (kimgenevieve) then you may have already read a little something about this top.  while in florida last month, my mother gave me a box full of my grandmother's possessions including this adorable floral top. the box included vintage quilts and 50's rompers. i feel so lucky to be able to hold on to these items that were once used by my grandmother. i paired the top with a bright yellow skirt because let's be honest, it still feels like summer in los angeles. xo

Animal Lover

goodness, I love giraffes, especially when they're making the most awkward faces! look at these two from the LA Zoo.